Life is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is. Noise to appreciate silence. And absence to “value presence.”
Words can’t express how much I’ve missed you. The friendship and your company. A lot of things had happened over the past few months, but a lot more had happened over the past 3 years. I wish it was that easy to turn everything around and pretend nothing happened.
The truth. It happened. Shit happens. It’s not about forgetting what had happened, but to learn and make it stronger. I just need to know that you actually are remorseful over what happened, to know that you actually still care and willing to fight for it. We were being brought up in a team where ‘Passion’ and having the heart to do it matters.
Over the past few days, I’ve been doing some soul-searching. Apparently, after what happened, I’ve been doing that a lot. It helps actually, because over the past 1 year, I was so caught up with a lot of stuff that I didn’t do any self-reflection. A ride in the bus was spent on texting, planning and replying emails.
Just this morning, my best friend, Aidah pointed out something to me and made me realized something. I was telling her about the same dream I had for 3 consecutive days. Being a psychology student, she share her knowledge about dreams. “Did you know, that the sound you hear before you sleep will actually affect what you dream?” – Aidah. It then hit me, that how much do we actually pay attention to the sound in our surrounding.
I start listing down the things I hear in my surrounding before I went to sleep. So please, before you go to sleep, try to list down at least 5 things you hear before you sleep. You may ask, what’s the moral of the story? We often get caught up with our lives that we forget the things around us and what God has created.
To be honest, when I was in Poly..I was too focused on things like my CCA, studies, friends and that special someone. When things starts to end for all of the things mentioned above, I start to feel lost. All I had was that special someone to hold on to and I hold on to it tight. Even then, it starts to depreciate slowly. To the person whom I was mentioning about (if the person reads it), I’m sorry.
The situations that happened has definitely brought me to a whole new world. I started to zoom out and focus on my surroundings. I have my family, my outside friends and of course my Poly friends. I started to do the room makeover project, something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time but didn’t make time to do it.
I forgot what it feels like doing something that I love. I was too dependent that I forgot I was once a very strong, capable and independent girl who make her way through from O’level to ITE and NYP. There’s also another project that I’m doing which I like to keep it till the time is right. It made me realized that I love to just sketch. Both the project definitely need some sketching.
God has its own way of dealing with things. I hope that this is one of them. Thank you to that group of people who made me cry and feel hurt all this while. If you decide you can have a life without me, I will respect and do the same.
“I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
― Jon Kat
Tomorrow is a Friday blues and TGIF for me!