A year has gone by so fast…

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“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
― Elbert Hubbard

It seems like it was just yesterday that I was out there, holding my first ever General Meeting. Nervous? Yes. I couldn’t get an even better partner with me that day, Wei Yee.

There were always that moment when I asked myself, “Am I really capable? Can I handle this? Will I be a great leader? Will they respect me?”

I’m still a human. I have fears. Being a President of Ambassadorial Team is no joke. What makes the deal even sweeter is that I have a bunch of dedicated, responsible and capable group of EXCOs with me, the 17th EXCO.

Never once did I ever thought that I did this all on my own, my own credits. I’ve been brought up and groomed by Sean and Suzanne to be a humble leader. I set them as an example for me. In times of hardship, I would ask.. “What would they have done?”

Coming back as Alumni definitely feels different but life has to go on. I’m actually proud of my two ladies, Hana & Pamela. They’ve grown so much in  character; from my juniors who didn’t have a clue to what’s going on back then and now, real close friends or should I say my sisters.

It really touched my heart when Hana mentioned, something along this line like “I would ask myself, what would Bai do?”.

No human are self-satisfied. If I was given a choice, I would have come back and do it even better. But I have no regrets now, because if it wasn’t for the mistakes I’ve made, I wouldn’t become the person I am today.

A-Team is where I found my second family, is where I found comfort and love, is where I’ve gained experience that were never taught by my lecturers. A-Team will always be my number 1 CCA and holds a special place in my heart.

I wish the best for the 18th EXCO & KAH and may this year be a better year than the year before.

Goodnight!

Sunday is apparently not sunny

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor RooseveltThis is My Story

Let’s rewind back to Friday..

Friday

Apparently, I had no idea what hit me and that the next thing I know, my knee is in pain till now. I had the trouble of walking to the office. I’m actually glad that my work doesn’t need to do any physical activities.

After work was even more painful. I was supposed to meet Shamien at Dhoby Ghaut but I figured she was still conducting the interview, I make my way back to school. My biggest mistake: To walk by the back gate and climb the flight of stairs.

Moving on..

That was my first time going out with her. Just her. I figured it will be awkward for us but I was wrong. It was easy to talk to her and that make me feel a whole lot better. Dinner at Manhattan Fish Market. We were ambitious to finish the whole platter but we didn’t.

The next best thing is going to the shop ‘Made with love’. She really know her stuff well around the shop. She made it easier for me to search for the stuff. We spend our time till 9.45pm in there. The deal was worth it,50% off. Thanks Shamien for helping me out and giving me your feedback on my ideas.  🙂

Saturday

Since I went back home late the day before, I woke up like a zombie. If I wasn’t needed to follow my parents, I would have slept more. The trip was definitely fun since I’m the only child and I have both their attention. So I pick, they pay. Simple as that.

Sunday

Finally I manage to catch this movie with, none other than, Aidah. Fetched her at her bus stop. The moment she step in, I asked “Do you feel like a boss?” 🙂 Grab breakfast before the movie starts.

It was AWESOME!!! Captain America *drools* 🙂

To my best friend, Aidah, I have fulfill your wish. Now its time for you to focus on your exams and no movies till May 22nd. After that, I promise, you can drag me to the cinema all you want.

Room makeover

I finally bought the stuff for painting! Yes, I have also select the colour but it will only be revealed with pictures. Today was more to touching up the walls. Who says a girl can’t do guys work? I did all by myself. I am proud of myself *pats on the back*

I’m currently listening to the song Payphone by Maroon 5. Thanks Aidah 🙂

I’m at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I’ve spent on you
Where are the times gone baby
It’s all wrong, we’re at the place we made for two

Yeah, I, I know it’s hard to remember
The people we used to be
It’s even harder to picture
That you’re not here next to me
You said it’s too late to make it
But is it too late to try?
And then that time that you wasted
All of our bridges burnt down

I’ve wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I’m paralyzed
Still stucked in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
And all those fairy tales are full of shit
One more stupid love song I’ll be sick

You turned your back on tomorrow
Cause you forgot yesterday
I gave you my love to borrow
But just gave it away
You can’t expect me to be a friend
I don’t expect you to care
I know I said it before
But all of our bridges burnt down

Now I’m at a payphone…

[Wiz Khalifa]
Now work that sh-t
I’ll be right here spending all this money while you sitting round
Wondering why wasn’t you who came out from nothing
Made it from the button
Now when you see me I’m strutting
And all of my cause a way to push up a button
Telling me the chances I blew up or whatever you call it
Switched the number to my phone
So you never can call it
Don’t need my name, or my show
You can tell it I’m ballin’
Shish, what a shame coulda got picked
Had a really good game but you missed your last shot
So you talk about who you see at the top
Or what you could’ve saw
But sad to say it’s over for it
Phantom roll out valet open doors
Where’s the car way, got what you was looking for
Now ask me who they want
So you can go take that little piece of sh-t with you

Just the song I need…

Goodnight!

Happy working and schooling tomorrow!!

Life’s irony

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Life is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is. Noise to appreciate silence. And absence to “value presence.”

Words can’t express how much I’ve missed you. The friendship and your company. A lot of things had happened over the past few months, but a lot more had happened over the past 3 years. I wish it was that easy to turn everything around and pretend nothing happened.

The truth. It happened. Shit happens. It’s not about forgetting what had happened, but to learn and make it stronger. I just need to know that you actually are remorseful over what happened, to know that you actually still care and willing to fight for it. We were being brought up in a team where ‘Passion’ and having the heart to do it matters.

Over the past few days, I’ve been doing some soul-searching. Apparently, after what happened, I’ve been doing that a lot. It helps actually, because over the past 1 year, I was so caught up with a lot of stuff that I didn’t do any self-reflection. A ride in the bus was spent on texting, planning and replying emails.

Just this morning, my best friend, Aidah pointed out something to me and made me realized something. I was telling her about the same dream I had for 3 consecutive days. Being a psychology student, she share her knowledge about dreams. “Did you know, that the sound you hear before you sleep will actually affect what you dream?” – Aidah. It then hit me, that how much do we actually pay attention to the sound in our surrounding.

I start listing down the things I hear in my surrounding before I went to sleep. So please, before you go to sleep, try to list down at least 5 things you hear before you sleep. You may ask, what’s the moral of the story? We often get caught up with our lives that we forget the things around us and what God has created.

To be honest, when I was in Poly..I was too focused on things like my CCA, studies, friends and that special someone. When things starts to end for all of the things mentioned above, I start to feel lost. All I had was that special someone to hold on to and I hold on to it tight. Even then, it starts to depreciate slowly. To the person whom I was mentioning about (if the person reads it), I’m sorry.

The situations that happened has definitely brought me to a whole new world. I started to zoom out and focus on my surroundings. I have my family, my outside friends and of course my Poly friends. I started to do the room makeover project, something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time but didn’t make time to do it.

I forgot what it feels like doing something that I love. I was too dependent that I forgot I was once a very strong, capable and independent girl who make her way through from O’level to ITE and NYP. There’s also another project that I’m doing which I like to keep it till the time is right. It made me realized that I love to just sketch. Both the project definitely need some sketching.

God has its own way of dealing with things. I hope that this is one of them. Thank you to that group of people who made me cry and feel hurt all this while. If you decide you can have a life without me, I will respect and do the same.

“I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
― Jon Kat

Tomorrow is a Friday blues and TGIF for me!

Goodnight! 🙂

Day 3 – Room Makeover

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Finally..

My room is free from wallpaper. The room is pretty much in a mess, but it seems brighter. Now that the messy part is being removed,the next step is to paste over the cracked walls and also coat it with white.

Remove wallpaper –> Under coat –> Paint the walls –> Re-arrange the furniture –> Clear & Clean the furniture –> Room Sweet Room

The next step will be continued on Sunday. To select and choose the colour and also to buy the white coating paint. The choice of colour I have in mind would be..

1. Baby Blue
2. Turquoise
3. Cream

Let’s wait and see what I will choose on Sunday! 😉

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Day 2 – Room Makeover

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I manage to get some help to remove the wallpaper. Its pretty much quite different. Roughly around 1/3 of the room wallpaper is being removed. I’m actually excited to work on this project. Its equivalent to my life; to me clearing up my mess, redesigning my room and then living in a new room.

Let me just show you the pictures. Pictures speak a thousand words.

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To be continued….

A whole new incident

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“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.”
― William Shakespeare

A month ago, I was being sent to the hospital due to my stupidity. From that day onwards, I tell myself not to abuse my body,mind and health.

But today.. A month later. This is what happened.

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No worries, it wasn’t me. It’s my dear friend Fiza who got into an accident. I did what I could by bringing her to the clinic, take care of her and of course I had to nag.

Both Fiza and Aidah just had to scare me in the middle of the night with their text messages.

Aidah’s text: Aidah is being brought to the hospital. She kept losing conscious and had difficulty breathing.
Fiza’s: I met with an accident.

All this happened in less than a month. Maybe this is karma, cause I did this to them. That’s beside the point. You had no idea how worried and scared I was to be receiving messages like that in the middle of the night. The thought of God taking them away from me, scares me the most. Behind every incident, there’s always a reason to it. For me, it made me appreciate their presence more and I would never trade them for anything in this world.

That got me reminded of you. You could have all this from me, but you choose to think that it was too much for you to handle. The feeling that you can’t handle the expectation and pressure. I’m not asking for you to do exactly the same thing. Different people have different capabilities. It was you, yourself, who put that pressure, thinking that I want you to do the same. You were afraid of being a disappointment. If you like blaming it on others and not yourself, you can just blame it for being a Virgo.

It’s sad that you had to choose this way. Looking back at all those pictures, you had an advantage of going through a lot with me, experience things we never thought we could imagine doing and taking pictures more than both my two friends.

You once said, “I can’t control the way things are”. You are wrong. You make decisions for every single thing. The things we can’t control are things like;

1. God taking your loved ones away
2. Getting into an accident
3. Getting diseases and cancer
4. Death

I believe that God didn’t just made you give up on yourself. Its you who decide on that. Whatever things that happened, I didn’t blame it on God. I blame upon myself for deciding to do all those things. I’m a human. I made mistakes. But to be a better person, I admit the things I’ve done wrong and improve on it.

That’s how we should live our life.

Goodnight.

Labour Day

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“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss

It’s 1st May, which mean its labour day. I finally get to enjoy the true meaning of this very holiday. Besides that, it is also a new month, May.

Just a month ago, which many find it amusing cause its April Fool Day. For me, I was the joke for the day. I was mentally and emotionally crushed to the very core that day. I still remember vividly how the day went by. From the text,to the conference call and what was being said over the phone.

I called my two friends immediately, sobbing and begging them to go out with me. I went out of the house, crying, with my parents kept asking why. There was a moment while I was driving that I felt like just crushing onto the side of the road.

It went on to shouting to you over the phone,feeling pain in my heart and the never ending tears. I felt betrayed. It took a lot of gut for me to trust both of you and it was crushed by both of you on the very same day. Tell me, who can actually take it being betrayed and hurt that way by the two people you least expect to do that to you, all at once?

Now, the funny thing is, you expect me to just move on and be the way it used to be in less than 2 months before you leave for your overseas studies? Tell me, who decided that their own feelings is much more important than our friendship? Both of you said you can’t help it. Let me tell you, I can’t help it feeling disgusted by what both of you did. I hope both of you are happy together.

Enough of all this.

I’ve actually started removing some of the wallpaper in my room for the makeover project. It’s definitely a tough one to peel off and remove. At least I got things started. It’s not perfect, but I’m taking one step at a time. Just the way I’m doing with my life.

Here you go..

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Have a good day!